Dress For The Job You Want

...Obviously I want to be freakin' cool for a living.

I used to order things online at least once a week for one or more of the following reasons:

1. A reward for completing a task that I had be procrastinating on (paying myself to do my job)
2. Having a mild case of the sads
3. Testing a new outfit on the UPS man
4. Wanting to open a box with my name on it

Now that I'm home and surveying my closet, I have been reminded that I had a sneaker phase. And not just any sneaker since I have the exhausting goal to always be different (yes, I fatigue myself). Of course this means Euro sneakers. And not just any Euro sneaker...I'm not kicking around in Bensimon like entry level Eurotrash. I had to go rare like some tuna tacos and get the French sneaker Spring Court. According to the Wikipedia article on "athletic shoe", Spring Court created "the first canvas tennis shoe featuring signature 8 ventilation channels on the vulcanised natural rubber sole".  

...and John Lennon wore a pair on the Abbey Road album cover. 

...and Serge Gainsbourg. For you youngens, he wrote "Je t'aime… moi non plus" which the Vatican deemed as "ratchet". I went to his grave in Paris but I was wearing silver Asics that I bought in Les Halles, but that is a sneaker post for another day.

The funny thing about all of this is that I would not have been caught dead in these 30 years ago. This is what the fashion bullies would have affectionately referred to as "bobos" as they shamed me off the cheesewagon and sent me running home crying to my mother for a pair of white Nikes with the purple swoosh. That was a painful flashback. A little online shopping with Serge and Jane as a soundtrack is gonna make it all better...gonna do some heavy panting on Amazon!

Project Defiance - For The WIN

My post acquisition 3 month transitional contract is over and I have defied the oppressive dress code of the overlords right down to the bitter end. On my last day, it was a tutu and 70 pieces of Popeyes chicken (and 24 biscuits). I can't think of any better way to go out after 13 years of service.

Oddly enough besides the initial side eyes, mostly just from coworkers forgetting it was my last day, most were not very shocked. In fact the day was more relaxed and light-hearted all around (there was also a bottle of Ukrainian cognac). The wearing of tutus should be considered for conflict resolution in the workplace. Send a crap missile email cc'ing the world and bombing out half my staff? Let me come speak to you in person about the matter at hand in my tutu. I'm so certain that we can resolve these sort of shenanigans that most likely originate from poor wardrobe choices which inevitably lead to low self esteem and confrontational behavior.

My tutu skirt was custom ordered from Tutus for Women. It was initially intended for my upcoming birthday in December, but I decided that at this point in life, my tutu opportunities are dwindling, so why not wear for the final day of work. I will tell you that I spent a great part of the day running up and down the hallways with the dramatic tulle waving behind me as if I was late for a ball...I was really late for a bottle of Malbec, a bag of turkey jerky and some leftover Popeye's biscuits. 

Now on to what I will wear in unemployment. I could change multiple times of day, right? The options are incredibly exciting!

Tutu: Tutus for Women - Carrie Bradshaw in Paris / Vest: J. Crew Denim Vest /Tank Top: Hinge Jersey Tank in Rose/Memoir / Necklace: My own from C. Wonder /Shoes: My own from Report Signature. If I didn't have these, I would go with something similar to these / Watch: Michael Kors Large Runway Watch / Earrings: My own diamond studs from my Mother/ Hair: Courtesy of my husband's destroyed dress sock

Project Defiance - Outfit #9 "Jorts"

Last week for my last Monday of employment, I decided on something subtle....jean shorts or "jorts" as  I was publicly ridiculed for when I arrived, and Jimmy Choo disco ball pumps. 

I purchased these Jimmy Choos a couple of years ago for my 20 year high school reunion. It was quite the internal battle. They are by far the most expensive shoes that I own (even now), but I had the strict task of "showing bitches how it's done". I adore them. They sit on a shelf in my closet and I dream of the next time I will wear them....which happened to be a Monday morning. Nothing like classing up a pair of jorts with a pair of Choos while you wait for your iced 2 pump chai soy latte.

Did you catch the light patch on my left leg that looks similar to some sort of skin ailment? There's a story there. All of that self tanning last week preparing for my retirement party when a determined mosquito decided he was going to suck my blood AND shame me. Apparently treating a bug bite with Tiger Balm provides the most awesome relief, but it temporarily makes the skin unsusceptible to properly developing tanning cream. Sooooo, I have light patch that I desperately tried to color in with a Q Tip. Fail.

Jean Shorts: BLANKNYC Roll Up Jean Short Shirt: Madewell Striped Linen V-Neck (sold out but similar here) Watch: Baume and Mercier Riviera Watch Shoes: Jimmy Choo Glitter Private Sandals (similar here) 

Ring: David Yurman 13mm Hampton Blue Moonlight Ice Ring but slightly larger here