Party Panic

You are witnessing an epic first world meltdown. I took an Ambien last night so I have a wicked hangover and I'm trying to get the house ready for NYE because the kids get out of school at freakin' 3PM. The foie gras slicer is tarnished!

I can't find a non-metal spoon for the caviar. WTF. I should have asked for a mother of pearl spoon for my birthday. I wasn't thinking. We'll have to use the plastic spoon from the frozen yogurt shop that my husband keeps to bribe our daughter that she'll eventually go back and for some reason need to bring her own spoon.

But I have the cuddle area ready by the fireplace and the kids' fancy pants plates are out...

The foie is out getting to room temp and I have all the snacks. I'll be ok...after a glass of wine...in the bathtub. Oh shit, I need to put the champagne in the fridge! I've also done a toy box edit so someone will keep their paws out of the caviar.

I don't know if I trust that dinosaur as a designated driver tonight. He looks like he's already turnt up...

Blankies: Restoration Hardware Lynx Faux Fur Throw and RH Baby & Child Animal Head Sleeping Bag

Nailed It

I'd rather spend the last of my money on beer and brick oven pizza instead of gel manicures. I actually hate getting manicures. I can't stand sitting still so long AND being unable to use my phone. I started wearing headphones but I just end up bored and sweaty (for some reason). A regular mani chips in a matter of hours the way I do things, so I require the gel. I hear complaints of it weakening nails, but after 5 years I've had zero issues with that. I only really wear 2 nail colors, red and dark, dark purple, so gel is great because choices just confuse me. 

I did the research, spoke at length to Elisssssaaandroooo (roll that r) at my local Sally's and decided on an LED nail curing light instead of the UV lamp. LED cures in less time which means less exposure and the obvious time saving advantage. I am using the Gelish light and products since that's what I usually select at the salons. My first try lasted a little over 2 weeks before I soaked it off and started over with a new color. My start up equipment and supplies were the Gelish LED Mini Curing Light,  Foundation, Top Coat, and 2 colors, Red Roses and Bella's Vampire (below). I used acetone, cotton balls, foil and orange sticks to remove my previous polish and isopropyl alcohol and lint free pads to remove residue and add the shine to the top coat after the last curing. I think my first try came out pretty well. I'll be doing this at home from now on. Plus none of the salons around here serve pinot grigio. Or ham sandwiches with fried eggs.

Empty Fridge

After a week in Florida you quickly realize there is nothing in the fridge except for egg nog because that doesn't spoil until March (side eye).  So heading out to dinner with the gremlins (don't feed them after midnight) and grabbed an outfit that I never wore in Florida because I only left the house twice. Check out my new statement necklace that was a 40th birthday gift form my sister-in-laws, paired with a striped crop top and over the shoulder long cardigan.

Necklace: Kate Spade Swirl Around Necklace | Top: Zara Striped Cotton Crop Top | Sweater: My own cardigan from Nordstrom but this season's version here

It's A Boxing Day Dilemma

Christmas is barely over, but it's on to the next. Spending time in Florida always gives me the chance to eat at Bonefish Grill, overdose on the ID Channel, drink wine for breakfast and consider animal prints. 

On the left, Ash Jungle Slip On Sneakers with a slight platform and distressed sole markings. On the right, Sam Edelman Becker Slip On Sneakers with a more streamlined silhouette. Both in leopard printed haircalf for optimal fuzz with the Ash coming in at $40 more. Decisions. 

American Horror Story: Shitty Diaper Bags

The week before my 40th, my husband was traveling and I was home alone during the day to binge on American Horror Story: Murder House. Worst idea ever. I didn't do laundry for days because I refused to go to the basement without being escorted by one of the children or one of the cats. Because you know, they have the ability to save me from the possible frustrated and combative spirits that could be plotting by the water heater. This provided the perfect hiding place for my husband to stash my birthday gift...

I decided in my mid-30's that I was done with Louis Vuitton monogram canvas bags. Everybody had one and even more (if it's even statistically possible) had the fakes. Fake bags support terrorism, look ratchet and decrease the value of my legitimate bags. Fast forward a few years and the gremlins are old enough that I don't need a fully stocked diaper bag (I carried a Longchamp Le Pliage with the first and a Marc by Marc Jacobs Eliz-a-baby with the second) but a large, durable, tote that can be an everyday bag or be stuffed under an airplane seat. Thank goodness because diaper bags should be their own horror story on FX. Have you seen them? Even most of the designer ones are straight crap. I strongly considered the Goyard St. Louis and even entertained Kanye's anti-LV rant but decided on the Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM Damier Ebene. The LV has more structure than the Goyard (but not as stiff as the Michael Kors Jet Set Travel Tote) and I liked the versatility between cinching it in for light daily use as above or expanding and cramming full of granola bars, extra clothes, a makeup bag, headphones, iPad, wallet, packs of Albuterol vials and a vibrating monkey as below...

I had some concerns regarding the durability and comfort of the thin straps but my LV boutique claims the Neverfull GM has been stress tested at 200 lbs which means I could technically carry my gremlins around in it...

Bad News, Birthdays & Buckets of Bubbly

I turned 40 this weekend...and my sister passed away 3 days before. It was an inevitable outcome to a chronic situation, but you seldom wake up thinking that day is the day. I already had plans for a small, exclusive cocktail party over the weekend, which I cancelled immediately. One my one, each guest insisted on coming despite the circumstances. Anyone who knew my sister knows that she would have never missed a party. After the party was back on, the challenge was what to wear because I had barely felt like bathing much less dressing for the past 48 hours. And what is appropriate to wear to a 40th birthday celebration when one has just lost their sibling? There is zero documented etiquette rules on this fashion dilemma. At first I decided on Uniqlo Flower Drape Bottoms and possibly a James Perse tee along with stilettos. 

That was the plan until just a few hours before the party. I originally had planned to wear the mint tulle ballet skirt à la Carrie Bradshaw in Paris that I wore for my last day of work and the spectacular conclusion of Project Defiance.  After spending the day with my nephews, sister-in-law and a bottle of champagne from Trader Joe's, I reverted back to the original outfit. I added a Christmasy tartan button down from South Moon Under, my usual C. Wonder Druzy and the gold Jimmy Choo slingbacks I wore on my wedding day. I made the game time decision to go with Katy Perry "Oh My!" double layer lashes. 

I'm thankful for wonderful family and friends, go-go music, cheese and caramelized onion tartlets by the handful and clothes that made me want to peel myself out of the bed and dress up.

Ugly Sweater Weather

It's cold. It's Christmas. Time for ugly ass sweaters! I'm not sure if this sweater is horrendous or gorgeous so I'll just settle for amazeballs. It's another Fairfax Hospital Pediatric Wing find. There is a Target just down the street form the hospital and while I was waiting for my gremlin's discharge, I scooped up this spectacular piece of knitwear. As seen above, I paired with a DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba hat for my daughter's 5th birthday party. See how that worked out?

It was sleeting over Thanksgiving so I broke it out again, this time with a fur hat and red Hunter boots that you can just imagine because I never got a photo from the waist down...

Then the day turned into an all out bar crawl with my sis-in-law. This is the perfect sweater for consuming beer...

And for cornbread jalapeño waffles with chive butter...

This is how I styled it when I was thinking about buying, but it ended up taking on a life of it's own with wellies and furry hats.

Sweater: Mossion Supply Co. Fairisle Pullover Sweater

And this is what I hum whenever I wear it...

Flaming Stank

While I was camping out in the pediatric wing of Fairfax Hospital I ordered candles for my birthday party. Pine for the dining room, clove for the bathroom and a rose and oud for my bedroom. I had no idea what oud was but I associated it with musk so I figured it was a good bet. After ordering I decided to educate myself a bit and learned that oud oil comes from the resin of Aquilaria trees and the scent in fragrances can be compared to "animal butt" or "barnyard". Behold my animal butt candle. It's actually quite lovely. Dark, woody, musky with a little bit of sweet floral.

Candle: Aquiesse Ivory Rose Oud Candle

Dana 4.0

I have a bunch of reasons, most legitimate but none entirely acceptable as to why I haven't posted anything at all in over a month. The most critical reason was that my son was ill and ultimately hospitalized for a virus that caused gunk all up in his lungs. Little dude is doing really well, but I have continued to not give two shits regarding just about everything. Then I came to the realization that I'm turning 40 in less than a week. It's this weird kind of pseudo depression. I don't really have anything to be upset about, but I haven't really brought myself to be interested in or excited about most anything. Inappropriate melancholy as you will. I guess that's better than going on a bender or clandestine shopping spree OR jumping on a Southwest to Vegas (believe me, I have carefully considered ALL).

Instead for an entire day, I made all of my meals á cheval. Fried eggs all over the place.

Wasted Wednesdays

I do not participate in Throwback Thursdays because I think it's lame. But I do have a biweekly Wasted Wednesday. "Wasted" doesn't necessarily mean booze, but I will allow it when available. By "wasted" I mean that I refuse to do anything constructive and do exactly whatever I want. I leave the house so I won't clean or do laundry and grocery shopping is forbidden (I do have to be home by 3pm for my nap and Tom & Jerry).

For the past few Wasted Wednesdays I have been giving a barstool the shape of my ass at Thunder Burger in Georgetown. I ate a burger there that sent me into a moderate coma so I've been sticking to the fish 'n chips and I'll save the Ventura Highway burger for every third visit. 

And today there was this on tap...

Yes. Sweet Baby Jesus.

And it all ended with this...

The weather drastically changed today so it's jeans and those Kurt Geiger chelsea boots I've been talking about since the spring. Also check my new Henri Bendel stretchy bracelet. I scooped it while I was waiting to stalk Bryanboy last Saturday but that's a story for another day...

Jeans: Zara Skinny Jeans / Stretch Bracelet: Henri Bendel Madison Stretch Bracelet / Boots: My own Kurt Geiger Chelsea Boots similar here

Not So Crude Oil

I did it. I dropped $70 on BODY OIL. After this Tom Ford Neroli Portofino oil popped up on my Pinterest feed all like "hey gurrrrl", I've been researching a more reasonably priced alternative. Then I remembered how this always goes. I'll try out all of these other products just to realize I could have spent the same amount or less for what I really wanted in the first place. 

Neroli reminds me of my childhood. My Dad used to buy White Shoulders for my Mom and orange blossom is one of the main notes. (Yes, back in the day White Shoulders was more department store and less drugstore.) The counter guy with the afro ponytail at Nordstrom told me that $70 is a great value because the fragrance is so concentrated that I only need to use a little. In fact he showed me the bottle he used during the free massage event and only a tiny bit was used. Yep. They were giving out free massages by a dude with an afro ponytail.

Body Oil: Tom Ford Private Blend Neroli Portofino Body Oil

Budget Crisis

Times got really tough during the shutdown. Enter my dad's vintage Gap cut-off's circa 1970-something. I haven't been able to stuff myself into these since college so I was a quite full of myself that they were actually a comfortable fit. Then I quickly recalled that my Dad wore them every Saturday morning to mow the lawn. So I've lost weight yet I'm still as big as a man. Eh, I'm over it. I'll just celebrate my inner Tobias...

Gov't Shut Down But The Heat Done Turnt Up

It's unseasonably hot in DC, but I don't know why we still take the time to say "unseasonably". The weather here is always bat shit crazy...this beautiful beacon of peace and democracy to the world was built on a swamp. It's about 90 degrees and slightly humid so I broke out the J. Crew gentrified go-go dancer shorts with a J. Crew denim button down. I have also developed a stank eye infection so even though I shouldn't be wearing makeup, I'm at least not wearing contacts. I am an authentic smart ass...

 and for the win, Tigers Asics!

Everyone is all up on the New Balance classics, and I am enjoying them, but you know me....gotta do the opposite. If I'm going to go classic true athletic, it's going to be Tiger Asics and we can act like this is Woodbridge Middle School 1986. They are super light and comfortable and made with vegan uppers. I got a plain black and grey so that I can accessorize with bright laces such as red or green (black, white and grey laces came with the shoes).

Shorts:  J. Crew Collection Tile Jacquard Short / Shirt: My own J. Crew but similar here / Kicks: Onitsuka Tiger by Asics Ultimate 81 / Necklace: My own Druzy from C. Wonder / Glasses: Ray Ban persciption

Pillow Pet & Plaid

DC Fashion Week begins in just a few days and nothing says unemployment like dressing up and going out for $15 pinot grigios that taste like acetone. I'm not sure if this look is really rock 'n roll or really Pretty Woman casting call (I'm thinking the latter). I have plans to drop the hoop earrings and the red lipstick with the hopes that this lessens requests of "how much?" 

How are we feeling about my pillow pet leopard jacket? It was sold as faux "cheetah" but after I finished my animal print tutorial this week, I notice more leopard characteristics. So maybe "cheetard" or "cheepard". I really wanted the new By Marlene Birger Leopard Coat (which is totally giving cheetah by the way) but it exceeds the entire season's animal print budget. 

The chemise is tartan and black lace from Zara, but it seems to be in store only for the time being. Cut off shorts (I'm a Never Nude) are vintage Gap that my Dad used to mow the lawn in. He has been notified that he cannot have them back. 

The boots. They are Pour La Victoire from a couple of years ago. I got them to pair with a sequins mini for a birthday party that resulted in the dissolution of several friendships. I love these boots and they proved critical in strut walking out of what had to have been the skeeziest strip club onto the back streets of Northeast DC. I walked forever before a cop found me and turned on his flashers to hail me a cab. These boots saved my life. I had planned to buy the Giuseppe Zanotti Eva Bootie but opted for these instead and delayed my Eva purchase until they came out in Bordeaux. The Zanotti's have yet to save my life, but the season is young.

Jacket: Billabong Designer's Closet / Bag: My own Mulberry Hetty Hobo - sold out but similar styles here and here / Watch: Michael Kors Large Runway Watch / Bracelet: Henri Bendel Holly Cuff / Necklaces: My own and featured in this post / Bag Charm: My own Laduree bag charm, but other styles here

Cookies And Crack Biscuits

It all started off innocently. A morning of a deep conditioning treatment, white wine (red wine is for after 5pm) and a chocolate chip cookie from Starbucks. Sounds heavenly, doesn't it? Except for the fact that the cookie tasted like ass. Fake ass. I ate it anyway, but that's beside the point. I needed to find a better cookie, so I made one...or actually 24.

I turned to Jacques Torres recipe via Martha Stewart and the rest is cookie dough history.

There was butter....

Two pounds of chocolate...

And dough...

And cookies...

And more cookies...

Realizing how talented I am at this, I kept going. And here is where is gets a little out of control...

Crack/Cheddar Biscuits...

And slow cooked pulled bbq chicken...

Oddly enough, the chicken sammies is what sent everything over the edge and I gained 4 pounds.  My hair came out all flowing and sexy but it's not nearly long enough to cover the situation that is my ass. I'm going to St. Martin in a couple of weeks and swimsuit photos last a freakin' lifetime. I'm going to rein it in for now, but when I return it's back to the cavalcade of carbs. 

Conditioning Treatment: Ojon Rare Blend Deep Conidtioner